|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
November 22, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving,
and stuff
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Brainwashing nearly complete
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Gobbledy-Goo!
A Tasty Turkey and Stuffing
Recipe for Thanksgiving
Brought to You by ZORI3 a la
mode
|
|
|
Old Issues
(Baggage)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heads Up Penny by Cat Baldwin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
PSST!!!
Note to faithful
readers: this
recipe is a
combination of
my mother's
recipe and my
own. If you have
a dinner guest
who happens to
be lactose
intolerant, he or
she had better
stock up on the
antacids now.
Or, encourage
him or her to
swallow a
capful of vinegar
before dining.
This creates
more of the
positive
stomach acid
you need to
digest fattening
meals like this.
|
|
|
|
Tofurky
I'm mostly a vegetarian. I try to be
healthy. But if it looks like the inside of a
diaper, and
smells like
the inside of
a diaper,
well...
Ew.
GM lays off 30,000 workers.
Crazy mother
Being humiliated
by a self-serving
mother who thinks
breaking a child's
will like she's a
horse amounts to
"creative
discipline"?
Painful.
Ten years of
therapy?
Expensive.
Unveiling a tell-all
memoir announcing that teenagers
shouldn't be treated as criminals, and
that mom may have had good intentions
but she was ill-informed; after all, in spite
of not giving a shit about high school,
she grew up to kick ass and take names
in an unconventional way?
Priceless.
Rumsfeld
Check out this latest burst of hilarity on
Crooks and Liars: “I didn’t advocate
invasion. I wasn’t asked.”
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Neat-o special effects and a scantily
clad Harry in a nipple-touching bath tub
scene doesn't necessarily mean a
coherent script.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Get a
free-range,
organic,
vegetarian-
fed turkey
for
maximum
dining
pleasure.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A preachy
moment at
Zori3:
Remember to
take a
moment this
Thanksgiving
to send an
astral
high-five to the
pilgrims, who
broke bread
with the Native
Americans
and ate all
their
corn...before
infecting them
with small
pox,
slaughtering
their people,
and stealing
their land.
Good times.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
George R. R. Martin’s A Feast for
Crows
Those familiar with Martin’s work know
to file this one under “duh”.
You knit what?
Try and find the entry described as
"Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Barfcoat." I almost wet myself.
Lunch Poems by Frank O’Hara
A wee-tiny portable O’Hara. Hurrah!
Veronica Mars
Season one on dvd paralyzed me for
several days. Drool was involved, and
perhaps Cheetos. This is the best
thing to happen to television since
Buffy.
A new Kurt Vonnegut book. I haven’t
read it yet, but for God’s sake, it’s Kurt
Vonnegut! The man sneezes and I
have an orgasm.
The latest trailer to The Chronicles of
Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the
Wardrobe.
Bush tries to run from the Chinese
media! He dodge left…he fades
right…he’s caught! The door is locked
and he’s caught! Oh no! Mwa-ha-ha!
The Wall Street Journal runs an article
questioning the validity of studies
claiming SSRIs really work. What will
the Zoloft cartoon say about all this?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
I'm sorry, I can't help but think of Bush
everytime Dumbledore gets preachy
and offers a more heartfelt, "You must
choose between what is easy and what
is right..."
Ingredients (to stuff a 12-15 pound turkey
and have some left over for a casserole dish. If
you're feeling less ambitious, cut this recipe in
half)
1 1/3 cup butter
Gizzard, liver, and heart of turkey
2 eggs
2 large white or yellow onions
1 stalk celery (less if you think celery is nasty)
Salt (to taste)
1 tsp pepper
4-5 TBSP poultry seasoning (if you don't have
this, combine equal parts rosemary, thyme,
sage, marjoram, and nutmeg)
2 TBSP chopped parsley
3 cups warm milk (or 2 1/2 and 1/2 cup water)
2 loaves of toasted bread, sliced, or 2 bags of
bread crumbs
|
Monstrous/Marvelous
Directions
Step 1: Wake up. There should be a
big-assed turkey thawing in your kitchen
sink. The cats are probably sitting in a circle,
considering their options. Better make a pot
of coffee before you go any further.
Step 2: Hopefully, you remembered to toss
the heart, liver, and gizzard into the freezer
the night before. Otherwise, take this
moment to pause for the first saying of "oh
shit." Cut the heart and liver into small
pieces, and slice some of the gizzard while
you're at it. Get the butter bubbling on the
stove top in a skillet or saucepan. Add the
onions. When they start to soften, add the
heart and liver. Let it cook. Add the nasty
celery, if you absolutely have to (and really,
you kinda do).
Step 3: In another pan, warm up the milk.
Don't let it boil. That's gross.
Step 4: Break the eggs in a bowl, and give
them a light beat.
Step 5: Dump the bread crumbs in a large
stock pot. Add 1/2 of the spices, and mix the
bread crumbs around. Add the remaining
1/2 of the spices to the buttery mixture, and
stir it around. Note: I usually go crazy with
the spices. It was kind of comical to try to
formulate measurements. If you like flavor,
don't hold back, but don't forget the salt!
Salt holds all those yummy flavors together.
Step 6: Take the butter mixture and dump it
in with the bread crumbs. Stir it around. Add
the eggs, then add the hot milk, and stir it
around some more. Make sure all the spices
end up clinging to the bread crumbs.
Step 7: If you're like me, this is the point in
the process where you have to fight the
urge to set an entire stick of butter inside
the turkey's cavity. Lack of resistance to this
urge could lead to nasty stuffing. So instead:
get some heavy duty tinfoil and form a giant
X. Sit the turkey in the center of it. Take a
generous handful (or two) of salt and rub it
around the inside of the cavity. Don't hold
back: this makes the turkey moist. Rub the
outside of the bird with salt while you're at it.
Now stick the stuffing where the sun don't
shine.
Step 8: Some people sew the turkey up at
this point. This is called "a waste of precious
Internet minutes," and can be skipped
unless you're Martha Stewart. Here's what I
do: melt a stick of butter in the microwave
(or two, depending on the size of the bird)
and baste the turkey thoroughly. Add an
extra squirt of butter to the opening that
technically should be sewn. Tie the legs
together with string (or not). Ta-dah!
Step 9: close the tinfoil firmly around the
bird. But wait! Did you pull the neck out?
This could be time for the second, "Oh shit."
If not: pop it in the oven at 325 degrees,
cooking 20 minutes for every pound of
turkey. Baste the turkey in its own juices
every 1-2 hours, and up the basting when it
reaches the end. For the last 30 minutes,
uncover the turkey so it browns.
Extra stuffing can be cooked in a casserole
dish alongside the bird for one hour. Don't
ask me about the gravy. That never works
out.
